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LankyLarry
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Name: Larry,
Interests: headphones + good music + hong kong + street fashion + octopus cards + stripes + bowl cuts and black nails + <3
Expertise: I'm a very sheltered creature and very good at running away. So open up the window and I'll probably pack up my things and go.
Message: message me
Member Since:
10/17/2005
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| I can't stop this and I don't want to.
Fuck my life.
Jesus Christ. | | |
| amethyst dewdrop needs a shoulder to lean on says:
as long as i can have jena malone
purple hearts tremble (watching saved.
scamming on macaulay culkin) says:
whatever, brother.
i only have eyes for the hot blondy boy
amethyst dewdrop needs a shoulder to lean on says:
HE'S A CRIPPLE, ENJOY YOUR AWKWARD SEXUAL POSITIONS
amethyst dewdrop needs a shoulder to lean on says:
YOU ONLY GET LIKE, ONE | | |
| help, i'm alive
my heart keeps beating like a hammer | | |
| I'm trying to find a place of solitude. Somewhere where I won't be influenced by everyone else. I don't mind influences, but it's when it comes to point where I'm becoming someone I don't like, just to keep others happy that really just.. gets to me. Why do I want these comments from people I don't particularly want? Why do I want comments when I know I don't want them to say anything.
It's getting so tiresome because I'm not being tolerant. I really need a journal. A written one. I used to want to share what I kept thinking throughout the day.. but now I just don't want that. Maybe. To a certain extent. But I don't know why I'm making entries on ideas and thoughts when I don't want anyone to really take note of. I want them to leave it.
This xanga is the place where no one comes anymore. I used to have Shelia, Mabel, Melody and I suppose Luke? I don't know. A handful of people that I knew either didn't care enough or cared enough not to really say anything. Now it's just this skeleton of what used to be. I'm not afraid to say I miss it because it was of better times when I was someone to somebody.. and I am now. Still. But I don't know what. I feel so lost every day and while I want to be someone's, I want to be my own.
So, I can give myself to someone knowing full well of what I'm giving. Not just blindly saying things that, while being genuine and heartfelt, are too.. much. I always say too much. I wish what was too much was just enough but I know I'm impatient and too straight forward and sometimes too patient and not straight forward enough. I suppose everyone has their own complexities and oxymorons. So, I guess everyone can understand the frustration I'm going through. This sort of thinking makes me feel less alone than what I usually used to feel and I'm glad I found this out sooner than later, but it doesn't help ease the frustration.
I don't know if I want to wait anymore. I want to be able to let go, knowing that it'll come back to me later. It'll come back changed but still good and relevant to what I want and what everyone else wants.
Escaping reality. We all do it and those who don't, aren't in it. I see people grasping onto their beliefs and morals. I think it's great that some people are so strong in that. But it just makes me see them as, sometimes, not letting anything else in. I believe in not hurting others and trying to understand and empathise. Empathy is what we should all try to gain, I think. But other than that, I don't really know what to think. Everything is also so different but the same that I can't see how people can say this is this and that is that.
I really want to know more but I don't know if I can. I keep thinking that this is my limit. Where am I going now? I feel so lost. Maybe it's because I have no one else to ground me. I'm just floating from person to person and thing to thing. This isn't to say that I don't love the things I do or the people I know.. it's more, where's the person that understands me the most? Where's the person that I want to show this to? Tell this to. Make them understand me.
I suppose I have that person. But right now, it's impossible and so hard to accept that it's making me even more lost. And floating. Hahaha, I'm a fucking drifter.
I just want to grow up.
Right now, it feels so seventeen year old girl. I'm kind of sick of it and I want to be less of a teenager. This whole entry is teenager years.
I'm glad no one comes here anymore. I really don't know what I'm doing. | | |
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